we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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