So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
