I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
