We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
