Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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