people are starting to question the shark bite story
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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