captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
