worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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