Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)