So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
