I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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