I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need a beard to bite.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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