don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
