id be glad to
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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