I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
