he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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