I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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