so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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