He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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