Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
