her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
