Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
