Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
