Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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