My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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