It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
