Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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