Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
