i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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