If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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