The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
