then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
