i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
