you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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