The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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