thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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