just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
