no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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