True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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