at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
handjob tips. give me some.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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