I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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