Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize