dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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