Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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