Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
