My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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