ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
