Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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