did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
