dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
