I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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