they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
