Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
