my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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