I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i came on her dog
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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