Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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