TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
