If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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