Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
