Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize