summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
