i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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