I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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