Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
