so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
