i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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