there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
