Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
