You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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