He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
