I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
