The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
