Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
