3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
