I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
