This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
