I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
