i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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