You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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