Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
