No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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